We had our annual volunteer training and appreciation day at our church last Saturday. It’s fun to engage with so many individuals who give so much to the life of the church.

During the morning session we were privileged to have Carey Nieuwhof come and speak to us – you can find his own blog at careynieuwhof.com.

At the end of his talk he gave us 7 things to do as leaders to keep us in the game so that we wouldn’t give up and burn out. And although I nodded and agreed with what he had to say, the one thing he said that stood out more than the rest was this: “Grieve your losses.” If people have let you down, if things haven’t gone as planned – don’t simply push forward with a stiff upper lip, admit to yourself that you’ve lost something or someone, and take some time to grieve what you have lost. Only then can you truly move forward without a host of “loses” building up inside.

I’ve been thinking about that all week, especially in light of what I perceive as losses in this work of life-on-life discipleship that have weighed on me, and I don’t know if I have grieved them. I’ve done many things with them, but I haven’t grieved them. I’ve gotten mad at people, I’ve become cynical, I’ve blamed myself, I’ve judged, but I don’t think I have grieved.

You see, I have set standards/ideals that I have in mind for those that I commit at least two years of my life to – I’ve written about them in previous blog posts. Now I’ve come to understand that not everyone will fully and exactly imitate me, that it isn’t my objective to turn out “Matthew robots”. We are all made uniquely and will walk alongside others in different ways – I get that and I’m okay with that. In fact it has been fun to watch how those I’ve built into choose to use their unique personality and build into others in ways that I am wowed by. At times I’ve incorporated some of what I’ve seen them do into what I do.

But there are others that I’ve built into that completely walk away. And not only do they walk away from building into others but at times they walk away from any intentional relationship with God. What happened? How could that be? It was only a year or more before that we were engaging the scriptures, praying together, wrestling with life issues, laughing and crying. I was baring my soul and they were baring their soul. And now nothing. Done. Over. “Life” has taken over and pushed God out of the picture. At times I feel like I don’t even know the person anymore, don’t know how to engage with them on the odd occasion that we run into each other.

It hurts! It hurts deep in my soul, my heart aches, I’m frustrated, I’m at a loss for words. What happened? How could something that appeared so amazing have taken such a step back? Why do they no longer desire to seek God with all the heart, mind and strength? What can I do? What should I have done? Answer: I don’t know, simple as that.

And as such, I’m going to commit from this point forward to grieve. To allow myself to be sad, to cry, to let misery engulf me. These are losses that I don’t understand, that I can’t explain. But they are losses, no question about it, and it hurts!

For the kingdom.

For years now I have had the habit of writing cards to people to encourage them. I really don’t know when I started doing this or even what prompted me to do this. It’s nothing to complicated, a card with an envelope, hand written thoughts from me that are specific to the person I am writing to, their address on the envelope with a stamp and into the mailbox it goes.

I always keep a stock of cards available so that I am ready at any time to send one out. The past few years I have even made the cards (well my daughter made them for me). My daughter enjoys photography and so I choose a number of her pictures that we get developed, tape them on the front of a folded piece of cardstock, and presto, a card that was developed by me.

I have written cards to the guys that I am discipling letting them know the impact that they are having on my life. I have written cards at times to their wives letting them know about the pleasure I have had in connecting with their husbands and the encouragement that they have been to me. Often times I am able to let their wives know how highly their husbands speak of them in our triad.

I have also written cards to people whose names come to mind during my day that I have been prompted to pray for. I sometimes choose to send them a card just to let them know about this.

And although this act of writing a card takes me only a few minutes, I have been amazed at the impact it has had on those that receive one. I have at times received a thank you card for my card.

I have pondered this over the years – why is a hand written card such a great thing to receive? Are we that starved for encouragement or confirmation? Do people perceive the act of writing a card to have been such a great thng for me to have done that they can’t believe that they were worthy of it? (Remember, it only takes a few minutes)

A few months ago when I spoke during our weekend services, I encouraged people to think of someone who had influenced them in their journey of faith and to write them a card – not to email or speak to them, but to write them a card of thanks and then mail it.

The feedback I received was amazing. People who received cards called them in tears, thanking them for the encouragement. People tracked down individuals who had impacted them 20-30 ago and told of the impact it had on them. One person told me that they had received three cards themselves and were surprised at the impact they had had on these people.

So what is it about a hand written card of encouragement? What power does it possess? And if it is so powerful, and if it only takes a few minutes to actually write one out, why don’t we use this amazing resource more often?

I don’t know what it is that makes them work. I could speculate as I’m sure you could as well. And perhaps we’d come up with some amazing research on the reasons why.

In reality however, I’d rather spend my time not trying to understand why but actually getting out another card and sending it to someone.

As disciplemakers, one of our roles it to encourage those we are coming alongside, to put wind in their sails, to let them know that they are growing and that God is doing some amazing things in their lives, to keep on engaging in their journey of faith.

And one of the powerful tools that we have available to us is the simple card. May I encourage you to right now, get out a card, write a note of encouragement to someone, and allow your words in ink to lift someone up – you’ll be amazed.

For the kingdom.