Leading and Learning

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Fragile: Learning the art of the dance

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handle-with-care-logoI was having a great conversation with my wife, a fellow disciple-maker, the other day. We were discussing the initial stages of the process when we are only a few months into the journey of intentionally connecting with those we are helping on the journey. As we were bouncing around ideas about the fun as well as the complications of these first few months, she said to me, “It is so fragile.”

As I heard that word, I could only nod my head in agreement. It is a great word to use to describe it. And as we talked more, we realized that the fragility was seen in those we are coming alongside as well as in ourselves. Perhaps you have experienced this.

There is a bit of a dance that takes place at the start of a discipling journey. As much as someone has agreed to allow us to lead them, and as much as we have tried to be fully honest in what our expectations are, they simply “don’t know what they don’t know.” They really don’t know what they are getting themselves into – this includes the time commitment as well as the life change that will take place which can be uncomfortable at time.

After the conversation, I reflected on some of the guys that I have journeyed with over the years.

I have connected with a number of guys that started out strong and appeared fully committed, and yet, within a few months, it was over. They lost interest. There were other life priorities that kept coming up. Questions I asked appeared to poke around in places in their lives that they just didn’t seem to want to talk about. And the journey ended before it really began.

Others I have met with appeared to be confused at the start, and I questioned right away whether or not they would make it. They had questions about life and shared things about what they believed that left me wondering whether they would stick around that long. Their current experiences and beliefs made me wonder about their faith and whether or not it would be a long journey of doubts and questions for the sake of questions without a desire to truly mature in faith. It is during these times that I simply take the stance of listener and allow them to speak what they need to. Inside I am wondering when I need to push them in a new direction and when I simply need to hold back and let the Holy Spirit do what only the Holy Spirit can do. If I interject too soon I might ruin a journey of faith. If I hold back too long without challenging where I believe I need to, I am failing to lead as I believe I am called to.

It is during these moments when you realize how fragile the situation is.

I have come to appreciate the parable of the Sower and Seed in deeper ways over the past few years. It describes so well these situations. You can read it in Luke 8. The seed is being spread and begins to germinate, but at times the sun withers it up, or the worries of this world choke the plant, or at times the devil comes and takes the seed away even before it has a chance to take root. The seed appears to be so fragile.

I wish I had the simple solution to these fragile times. I wish there was a science to understanding what it is all about and the 3 steps to take to make sure that someone stays on track. But I’ve learned that it is not that simple. It is something you simply need to learn over time through trial and error. And believe me, I have had my share of errors in this area. Some guys have been gracious with me as I have learned, others not so.

When you experience this, I simply encourage you to stay with it. Keep praying for discernment. Maintain a heart that is truly wanting the best for each person you are discipling. And if it doesn’t go as planned, don’t beat yourself up. Learn what you can learn, be open to the Holy Spirit speaking to and molding you personally. And get back in the game.

Perspective: Thoughts from my daughter

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Camera Lens Cropped v2I’d like to introduce a new voice to my blog – the voice of my daughter. She has always been the writer in the family (I didn’t really start writing in any significant way until my late 30’s, she’s been writing stories since early elementary school) and at the age of 18, she has taken on the role of life-on-life disciple-maker. And although she is new to the journey, I believe that she has something to add to the conversation. So from time to time, I will be inserting her thoughts. I trust that they will impact you as she has me. These are her words, I have not edited them for content in any way. Enjoy the read.

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Recently the Eckert family went on a road trip down to Boston to spend a few days in relaxation, but also exploration. During the 9 hour trip, my dad’s mind tends to get creative. This trip, he came up with the brilliant idea to do a father-daughter blog. As someone who loves writing, it didn’t take long for me to jump on board – although I kept him hanging for a bit!

It’s going to be a journey for me, especially since I have just started mentoring three grade eight/nine girls on my own. I’m constantly asking questions, and wondering if what I’m doing is actually going to be worth anything – to them, or me. But my dad, being the veteran that he is, guides me as I make decisions, or am just flat out frustrated with how a meeting with the girls went.

Since this is the first blog from me on my dad’s blog, it only made sense to me to write about few things my dad has taught me about mentoring, or just about life in general.

Monotonous love
I tend to be judgmental at times of people, sometimes without even knowing. Dad not only constantly tells me to remember that everyone has a story, but he finds out about everyone’s story. He recognizes that everyone has a past, and everyone makes mistakes, making him understand that they need to be forgiven. He has this way of loving people beyond their mistakes. He won’t typically verbally tell you he loves you, but he will show you by sticking with you – week in, and week out.

Keep moving forward
When I first started meeting with my girls, I went in with high expectations – of myself, and of the girls. Dad taught me right away to be prepared to be disappointed, especially since none of us could live up to my expectations, including myself. But he also pushed me to keep going. Even though you get frustrated or angry that nothing is working, or that you feel you aren’t doing anything worthwhile, keep going. After the very first day of meeting the girls, I went home feeling all of this. Dad not only told me to keep going, but to give myself a small, achievable goal – if I were to walk away from this experience with only myself changed, it was worth it. I know, sounds harsh, but I can’t help the girls change unless they want to change themselves. This goal was my motivation to take the next steps.

You don’t need all the “spiritual” jibber jabber to prove your faith
Dad has never been one to talk all spiritual. I’ve always thought that was weird, especially since I would hear other friends talk like that and I would be in awe of their faith. I then often felt like I needed this talk to prove to my girls that I knew everything – which is so far from the truth! Dad on the other hand, is all about action. He doesn’t need to tell you how amazing God’s love is – he just shows it. He doesn’t need to constantly express the need to help the broken – he just helps in the healing process. He doesn’t share spiritual stories of how he witnessed the glory of God – he just goes wherever God tells him to go, not needing a spectacular story to tell about why he listened. So, no, you will never hear my dad talk super spiritually, but he has got wisdom and faith that is inspirational.

These are not the only things I have ever learned from my dad – I don’t think I could count everything he has taught me. Overall, my dad is the greatest man I know, and I’m excited to share part of his blog with him!

Madison