Our church recently developed a reflection exercise. It provides a simple process for someone to think through the various aspects of their life to determine where they believe they need to put some concerted effort into personal growth and development.

I was a key player in putting this together and then rolling it out. Honestly, I hoped that maybe 10% of those who received it would actually take the time to work through it. Not a high number by any means, but if some begin to pause to reflect then perhaps over time others would see the impact that it had on their life and desire it for themselves.

My wife Janice and I both went through it and spent some time over dinner one evening letting each other know what we discovered. For me it was good to articulate back to her what I was thinking and what I believed to be some of my next steps of growth.

By way of modelling, let me share with you my own reflection results and what I believe I need to spend time focussing on the next 6 months or so.

Interestingly, my growth landed in the area of home, specifically my marriage and my parenting.

As I shared with Janice, I want our next 23 years of marriage to be so fun and engaging that the first 23 years would seemed bad in comparison. Specifically, I decided that I needed to stop nit-picking her in some areas, it just wasn’t fair to her and frankly it did nothing to help her or enhance our relationship. I won’t give specifics here but I did give her some concrete examples.

How am I going to do this – first of all, I told her, so she knows my desires. Second, I’ve told others including my men’s study group, so they can hold me accountable. Third, we are going to attend the marriage seminar that our church is hosting this fall. I believe that these three things will go a long way in helping me to take steps forward on this.

The second area of growth for me is in parenting. My children are 20 and 18; both are in university. My 20 year old son is married and so I now also have a daughter-in-law. How do you parent children at this stage of life? I don’t think you can simply “hope” it all works out well, there needs to be some intentionality. Looking back on the past 6 months to a year, I think I have already missed unique opportunities. I need to grow in this.

So what am I doing? At this point in time, I have begun to have conversations with others who are 10 or more years beyond me on this journey. I am asking them what they learned, what they did well and what they would have done differently. I am trusting that I will be able to gain insight and be the father that I believe I need to be and that my children want.

As one who leads others, we all need to take the time to reflect on our lives. We need to be continually increasing our awareness of where our gaps are so that we can live lives that reflect Christ to those we lead and those we connect with.

Reflecting isn’t always easy. It often reveals things that we simply don’t want to know about, and yet, left unchecked, these areas may be our downfall.

Let’s all decided that we will do the hard work of looking in the mirror, honestly recognizing where we need to grow, and then taking practical steps to bring about change. It’s worth it.

For the kingdom.

A good friend recently sent me some thoughts titled “Eight Principles of Disicpleship.” It outlined many aspects of discipleship, some of which I have touched on in previous blogs. However one stood out for me that was a great reminder:

 

“True discipleship occurs only when the disciple assumes the primary responsibility for his/her growth.”

I had to laugh. How many times have I tried to convince someone that their next step was a deeper relationship with God and that I was willing to walk alongside them. At times some agreed and we would begin the discipling journey together, only to watch their frustration grow at the same rate of my frustration with them. “Why don’t they want this” I would often muse, only to realize looking back that they never really wanted to take responsibility for their growth. They had always been in the mindset of being spoon fed and had no intention of ever making much of an effort to grow in their relationship with God.

Now hear me on this – I don’t in anyway want to judge them (I often did that in the past) or think of them as less than me.

I don’t know why some want to take their relationship with God seriously and some don’t. I’ve had that conversation with God on many occasions. I’ve had many conversations with people about it as well and they also don’t have an answer.

The Spirit moves in ways that we will never fully understand. People choose in ways that we will never fully understand.

A young father with 3 young children will claim that he is too busy to meet regularly, while at the same time, another young father in the same circumstances will see meeting with someone to disciple him imperative if he is going to be the role model for this wife and children he believes he is called to be. Why two different responses? I don’t know.

That is not for me to decide. It is what it is.

What is for me to decide is who I will choose to spend my time with. I don’t want to spend my energy “dragging” someone along the discipleship road if they have no intention of taking it seriously – it doesn’t help either of us.

I want to make sure that I am coming alongside someone who wants to “assume the primary responsibility for his/her growth.”

It is September. Many people will have had some time to think over the summer and are ready to take the next step. If they are, we need to be ready and willing to embrace them for this journey. If they aren’t, we’ll wait for another day. We’ll let the Spirit work mysteriously and be ready for when we are called upon.

For the kingdom