Yesterday we had an extended family gathering for Christmas 2023. The family has expanded over the years, with our parents having 4 children, their 4 children had 9 children, and the 9 now have children. It was good to be together.

However, the gatherings have taken a turn this past year with my father having passed away in February and the increasing depth of my mother’s Alzheimer’s taking effect throughout the year.

Fortunately, we were able to bring my mother into the gathering where we sang Christmas songs and allowed her to see what was happening with the kids. At times she appeared to understand, even smiling, and at times she appeared confused. Her speech is slurred so conversations are mostly not possible.

It was difficult to see her in this state as she was always at the centre of these gatherings, actively participating in playing games, long conversations and bringing her amazing Christmans baking that we all appreciated.

The emotions we feel are real. We feel bad for our mother / grandmother, and wonder what she is experiencing. We wonder how we are to respond. We talk about her “quality of life” and perhaps (just me thinking out loud) attempt to make ourselves feel better by how we talk about the care she is receiving at the long-term care home she resides in. (In reality, she had always asked that this would be the place that she would live when she got older.)

Yet for me the question always is the same – how to connect this with discipleship, because discipleship is always about the day to day living, and it must encompass all aspects, the good and the bad. 

In a previous blog a few years ago, I talked about attending funerals as a piece of our discipleship. To be able to reflect on the life of the person while at the same time reflecting on your own life. To recognize that this person no longer has life to live here on earth and that one day this will be my reality. 

So as I engage with my mother, I can feel the pain in myself as I watch her become less and less of who I knew her to be, and also lean in to love her just the way she is. I can mourn the fact that life has a way of degrading all of us over time, and be reminded that this was never how God intended things to be and that Jesus chose to enter into our world and experience it alongside us. 

I can, and in fact I must, not shy away from these encounters with my mother or in watching the family experience the pain, but lean in close, to hug her, kiss her, talk to her, look her in the eyes and let the Holy Spirit shape my heart and mind. To know that these encounters are moulding me. Suffering, the degrading of our minds and bodies, is something that we will all experience. That the solutions that “the world” may suggest are most likely not ones that God would have for us. That “quality of life” conversations can be a distraction from what God wants to do in us.

These are discipleship moments, in the same way reading scripture, praying, solitude and serving are. And if I allow them and give space for the Holy Spirit to speak, then I can experience the amazing tension of pain and beauty in my discipleship journey.

For the kingdom.

What are your thoughts about what Matthew wrote about Jesus’ interaction with some children? It is found in Matthew chapter 18.

“Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.”

For me, these words have always represented the start of someone’s faith journey. You may have many questions about faith and not quite sure what to do, yet the only way to begin is to have child-like faith, just trust and move forward from there.

And perhaps this is a good way to see these verses, and maybe this was your experience.  

But lately, I’ve been reflecting on these verses in the reverse order.

Maybe child-like faith isn’t where you begin but it is the desired end result. That you begin with coming to belief in God with a lot of questions, you then work at your faith journey through building up a repertoire of spiritual disciplines which help you along in better understanding who God is and develop that relationship. Perhaps you can relate to the Apostle Paul as he encourages us to “work out our salvation with fear and trembling”. This doesn’t seem very child-like to me, but a lot of “adult” work. And there is something about continuing to lean in, just as you do with any relationship, be that your marriage, parenting or friendships.

Yet there is a sense in trusting God for everything as our Father, that we give up on the striving, and simply fall into his arms as a two year old jumps into the arms of their parents. There is no concern for them, no striving, no questioning, just a full sense of security in who their parents are. Child-like.

Jesus walked straight to the cross as the Father had asked of him. Full trust in the outcome. No questioning. It was hard from a human perspective, yet child-like.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, child-like. “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.”

To live as citizens of the Kingdom of God, here and now while on earth, we must be fully beholden to the King of the Kingdom. There must be no questioning, no second guessing, no need for full explanations. Yet we can only live this way, if we are truly trusting in the King and the depth of his love for us. As a child fully accepts with confidence that their parents won’t let them down, that they’ve got this.

It’s child-like. It brings peace.

As followers of Jesus, we can live in the confidence that our Father has got this. We are his children. We can live child-like.

For the kingdom.