When you choose to come alongside someone in a discipling relationship, you need to recognize up front that this is not going to be a straight road with consistent growth each and every week. It just doesn’t work that way.

I often wonder if my life would be a lot easier if I simply went the journey of conducting short term seminars on discipleship and met with people now and again for one-off conversations about their relationship with Jesus – I think life would be a lot simpler. I could avoid the messy conversations. I could avoid seasons of dryness when it appears (note – appears) that there is no growth taking place and that perhaps we are simply going through the motions. I could avoid having to talk through ongoing issues and pain as they get worked through. I could avoid having to “pick someone up” and give them ongoing encouragement to stay the course, that in the end, it will all be worth it.

Yet that isn’t how it works. Discipleship is confusing, messy and often uncomfortable, both for the person you are coming alongside and for yourself as well – remember, your journey of growth never stops either; you are bringing it into the relationship with you.

So the question is not whether it will be confusing, messy and uncomfortable, the question is how I will respond when these aspects are blindingly evident. The easy thing to do would be to give up, chalk it up to the other person’s unwillingness to “get it” or having an unwillingness to want to step in and grow. But typically that isn’t the case. In fact, it is during the confusing, messy and uncomfortable times that the most amazing growth is taking place; you simply need the stamina to push through to the other side, both you and the person you are journeying with.

I recall a situation when the two guys I was meeting with were both dragging themselves into our weekly gathering. Verses weren’t memorized, the work was barely looked at, our praying seemed ineffective and I felt as though I had to carry them from week to week, encouraging them to stay the course. It so happened that we couldn’t meet for two weeks, I can’t remember why, but I think I was happy to have a break from these “lazy, no commitment, guys”. (Sorry, just being honest). It is during these times when I start to consider whether or not we should continue. I’m not one to drag someone along for too long, there needs to be commitment on both sides. It’s also times like these when I wonder if any life-on-life discipling relationships are worth it, are my efforts all for naught.

When we resumed getting together there was a whole new atmosphere. They were engaged, they had made new commitments to the journey. They realized that they had not been fully committed prior to our break, yet they both recognized how much this meant to them and the impact it was having on their marriages and parenting. It was as if they needed the dry spell, a time when the commitment of regularly meeting needed to be tested and questioned to understand the life-giving atmosphere that they were a part of. They were reenergized, and I was reenergized.

When you get into this line work – life-on-life discipleship – you’d better be sure why you are doing it. It can’t be for the glory or glamour or recognition, because you won’t get it. This is tough slugging kingdom work. Slow, steady, methodical, messy, confusing, uncomfortable – add your own words. Yet, after 25 years in this business, I can tell you that it’s worth it – deep, rich, rewarding.

So commit to pushing through, commit to learning the craft, commit to walking through swamps, commit to getting dirty, and commit to seeing lives changed. It is worth it.

For the Kingdom.

I have often wondered how a theological textbook would read if it was written by someone who is homeless, or disabled, or has been unemployed for many years, or a housewife, or ……..

Most theological books I’ve come across have been written by middle class, white males. Surely they have filters that don’t allow them to see the full picture.

Growing up solidly middle-class myself, I am shocked that it took me until age 40 to grasp the “obvious” call to care for the disadvantaged in our very own communities. Now that my filter has changed, I can so clearly see the numerous passages, both OT and NT, which not only encourage us on this, but command us to do this. I wonder what other aspects I am missing that in reality should be “blatantly obvious.”

One of the amazing benefits of this journey is the recognition that moving outside of my comfort zone with people who are different from me is transformative theologically.

How much are you moving beyond your core group of relationships? Do you engage with other people? These will be people who are different from you economically (both poorer and wealthier), politically, denominationally (if we even know what that means anymore), gender, race, religion, occupation, culture, education, etc.

To disciple people who are similar to me is a fairly simple process in many respects. We already think very much alike and we will find ourselves nodding in agreement more often than not.

However, those that I am disicpling, if I am to lead them well, we need to move outside of our comfort zones. What we read together, where we serve together, are all important aspects of the journey.

I want them to feel uncomfortable at times, have them squirm. At the same time, they need to see me become uncomfortable and wrestle with my beliefs. Without this, we become stale.

Not that my beliefs are going to be swayed by every new idea that comes my way. Yet it is important to engage with different points of view that may alter my beliefs and practices, or perhaps simply further solidify the beliefs and practices I have.

We can’t hide in a protective bubble and simply engage with books and people who will “tell us what we want to hear.” We don’t have all the answers. We aren’t living the perfect life.

Let’s be sure to move beyond ourselves for our own growth, as well as those we are leading. There is nothing to be afraid of, just transformation waiting to take place.

For the Kingdom.