Prayer is an interesting discipline. I use the word discipline intentionally here because for many people it isn’t a discipline at all; it is a life jacket or perhaps a bubble gum machine. It is a life jacket since it is only used when desperation sets in, we are drowning and we need God to save us. It is a bubble gum machine since we come to God with our to-do list that we want him to complete; we put in our quarter and expect the gum ball answers to come out.

Take some time to listen to people’s prayers, or perhaps your own. What do you hear? As I’ve examined people’s prayers over time and evaluated mine, I’ve noticed that they are quite selfish. God give me this, God I need that, God help me accomplish stuff. We don’t use those words per se, but at the heart of it our prayers are all about us. And if we don’t get it, we give up and wonder where God is.

In the call to make disciples, one of the disciplines we need to instill in those we are working with is a proper understanding of prayer. First and foremost however, is our call to pray for those we lead. What we do and what we truly believe will always leak out. How you pray or don’t pray, will be revealed.

In his book, Shaped by the Word, Robert Mulholland Jr makes the following statement about disciplines: “Let me give you a litmus test to determine if you are engaging in a spiritual discipline. Are you willing to offer something to God as a discipline and to keep offering it day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year – to continue offering it for God to use in whatever way God wants in your life and have God do absolutely nothing with it? If you are, then you are engaging in a spiritual discipline that will cut to the heart of all of those debilitating dynamics of our culture and the false self it generates that tend to misshape our formation.”

As one who is leading someone else on the journey of discipleship, you need to be on your knees in prayer for them. You must passionately call out to God on their behalf, for their growth and development, for their relationships, for the scriptures to come alive for them, for them to “deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow.” You must pray consistently, week after week, month after month whether you see any growth or not. You must pray. The results are not your concern, only the action of prayer for them. As you do this, you will find yourself loving them more, wanting them to grow more, caring for them more.

Do not stop engaging in the discipline of prayer. It is of utmost importance.

“We weren’t aloof with you. We took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. We loved you dearly. Not content to just pass on the Message, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did.” 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

If there is one thing that separates a mediocre discipling experience from a life changing one, it is love from the leader. That’s you. You must fully embrace those that you are leading. You need to pour out your life into theirs with a love that goes far beyond any feeling or emotion. You must love those you lead when they energize you and when they frustrate you, when they take initiative and when they don’t want to even show up, let alone complete any assignment you have given. You need to love them when they ask questions that you think are meaningless and simply a distraction. You must love them so much that you can’t wait to see them again just to hear about their day, the little things and the big. You must love them so that you pray for them as though praying for your own children.

“He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end…. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet…” John 13 These words from the Gospel of John always cut me to the core. Interestingly, during this foot washing episode the disciples still didn’t understand what was happening, yet Jesus continued on. I often wonder how frustrated Jesus was with his disciples.

The journey of discipleship is so much more than a program you take someone through, it is more than a linear process full of activities that get checked off. Discipleship is you. It is you giving yourself to someone else. It will keep you up at night when you don’t believe that those you are building into really want to commit, to “deny themselves and take up their cross.” You will feel the pain when their relational world is in turmoil and they question everything.

It is also exuberance when the “light turns on” and the scriptures come alive to them. It is gratitude for having been able to share the deepest aspects of life together knowing that it is a safe place for all of you.

Let’s agree with John. “Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment—to love one another—is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it.” (1 John 2:7-8)

Love those that you lead. There really is no other way.