As you engage in the discipling process, take note of the conversations that are taking place. Over the years I’ve discovered a couple of different types of conversations that are a distraction and that seldom lead to any life change. It is important that you address these for the benefit of everyone.

 

“They” Syndrome People – These are people who generally talk about the world at large, they talk about how “people” do this or that, and can’t seem to or don’t want to make it applicable for themselves. If you are talking about sin, they might say that “people don’t want to admit when they are wrong” or “I have an uncle who …”, seldom can they look at themselves and name a sin that they struggle with. If you are talking about the importance of scripture they might say that “it is important that people the bible, and the church should use the bible more during services” but won’t talk about the practicalities of their own experience reading scripture and what they need to do next in order to make it a reality in their lives. Unless there is applicability for someone’s life that they can articulate, there can’t be life change. I need to “take the plank out of my own eye, and then I’ll see clearly to remove the speck from my brother’s eye.” Matthew 7

Off topic People – These people always have another conversation they want to engage in, seldom the topic that is on the agenda. At times it seems as though they feel smart by bringing up other questions that they are thinking about or that they heard someone else engaging in. And yet, as the leader, you are taking people on a journey of growth, and constantly being distracted by random questions will never fulfill the greater purpose. In no way am I saying to ignore the questions that people have about life issues they are working through, yet perhaps these questions will get answered over time as they enter into the discipling relationship. I’ve found that the “off topic” questions people ask are seldom that pressing that they can’t wait for them to be answered. Often times, as their relationship with Jesus grows, these questions become less important and often irrelevant. And honestly, continually taking rabbit trails based on the whims of someone’s questions seldom leads to long term growth.

My father tells the story of a friend he went to bible school with. This friend always had another agenda. When the class was studying Ephesians, his friend spent his time studying Isaiah, when the class looked at church history, he was distracted by apologetics. Needless to say, he never did graduate and has never gained any traction in life.

At some point, those you are leading will need to trust you and the journey you are taking them on. If they have another agenda to pursue, perhaps connecting with you isn’t the right thing for them.

I’m continually fascinated with the word “facilitate” that is consistently used in many group settings I’ve come across, especially in churches. “Small Groups” have people who facilitate discussions. People attend meetings to make decisions that are facilitated by one of the members.

At the core of this is perhaps a desire to demonstrate that we are all equal partners, that no one person is better than the other, that everyone’s ideas are good ideas and need to be listened to and respected and that somehow the group will come to the best and most reliable conclusion through facilitation.

When it comes to discipleship, let’s declare the idea of facilitation not as progressive and meaningful but as misguided and counterproductive.

When you begin the journey to help others become disciples of Jesus, either you asked someone to join you or someone came to you. In either case, these individuals are assuming that you are further down the road of discipleship than they are and that you have something to offer them that they sense is missing in their lives. Whether you like it or not, they are looking to you to take them somewhere and it is time for you to step up and lead, not facilitate. You are the one guiding the discussion, you are the one asking them to engage in spiritual disciplines that they have never or seldom engaged in and you are the one sharing your life journey as something to imitate. And yes, we are not perfect and we continue to learn, yet with the confidence of the Apostle Paul we need to step out and say “Imitate me.” (1 Cor 4:16)

Without a leader, groups grow stale and naturally die out. Let’s stop thinking that being nice by facilitating is the most “Christian” way to pursue discipleship, it is not. It has been my experience that people want to be led. Interestingly, even though I lead others on the journey of discipleship, I still look to others with more experience to lead me.
Lead confidently that you are called to engage others in true discipleship. Those you lead will be better off and thank you for it.