Back in 2006, I spent a week in Ottawa getting trained and becoming certified to conduct Myers-Briggs personality assessments. I was intrigued by how different personalities interacted within team contexts. Since then, I have conducted many assessments for individuals, engaged and married couples, through a high school leadership program, as well as for a number of local companies. It has been fun to watch “the lights come on” as people gain an understanding of why someone else they connect with responds the way they do and why they personally interact the way that they do.

When it comes to discipling others, I have also come to appreciate the many different personality types over the years as well as the unique interests and passions various people have. This greatly impacts the discipling relationships they have and develop.

In lights of this, I am fully aware that my personality and my way of going about my discipling relationships can only work with certain individuals. There are some (if not many) people that I believe I would not be able to come alongside and guide, we are just too different in our styles and interests. And I’m okay with that. My influence can only stretch so far.

Think of it as overlapping circles.

So long as the circle that represent who I am has enough of an overlap with the guy I am discipling, then we’ll be good. And then, when he goes off to take on the mantel of discipling someone, he simply needs to find a guy whose circle will overlap enough with who he is. The neat thing about this is that I can reach guys who can reach other guys that I would never be able to connect with in a meaningful way. It has been fun to observe this.

Now as I have come to understand this more over the years, I have learned two things.

First, I can relax about not being able to connect with everyone. I don’t have to be all things to all people, simply do what I can do with the guys that I can more naturally connect with. I don’t need to change who I am so that others may be helped, I can trust that someone else will be able to do this.

Second, in light of this, I realize that it is more important than ever that more people are engaged in the work of life-on-life discipleship. We need more personalities with more varied interests to be able to have the circles of influence stretch to new areas of every community of people.

I have heard individuals say to me on many occasions that they couldn’t come alongside and disciple others, they aren’t like me. To which I respond, “That’s the whole point.” You aren’t like me. Our circles may not overlap that much, but there are those out there whose circle does overlap with yours and they need you, because I can’t reach them.

That’s the amazing thing about each of us – we all have something to offer someone. People are there waiting for someone to come alongside them. Let’s not stand back and hope that others will take the initiative or not get involved because we think we don’t have what it takes. The reality is you do have what it takes. Someone needs and wants you in their life. God has gifted you in a distinctive way to help someone. May I encourage you to step in and play the part you were called to play with the people that you can uniquely reach.

For the kingdom.

I recently took a 2-day bike trip with a friend – the pedalling kind, not the motor assisted kind. It was our first attempt at going longer distances to see if we want to take on an extended trip in the future. It was a great experience.

When you bike 115km each day through back roads, by farms with fields in full growth, you relax, take in the beauty around you and have an opportunity to talk about all kinds of topics.

As is my norm, one of the questions I enjoy asking is this: “how is your journey of faith these days?” The response to this question reveals so much about a person. Interestingly, sometimes people have no idea what to say. They hum and haw and give what I would call “pat answers”, as though they are trying to find the “right” answer. In these case, you realize that they have probably never done much in the way of intentionally engaging with Christ and so really don’t know what the question is asking.

In the case of my friend, I knew that this wasn’t the situation, but we hadn’t talked about this question previously so I wanted to know where he was during this season of life. The great thing about asking this question on a 115km bike ride is that we have all the time necessary to unpack the answer, we had nowhere to go but to be with each other, like it or not.

His answer was honest – “I’m in a lull” he said. Now I’m not sure about you, but I could relate to his answer – been there, done that – and I’ll probably get back there again. And as I thought about his response over the next few weeks, I realized that there are two responses that I typically get when things aren’t where they want them to be and that each response requires a unique approach in the journey of discipleship.

The two responses are “lull” and “stuck”. You may use other words, but essentially, these are the two that I’ve encountered.

To be in a spiritual lull implies that you’ve gotten away from what has worked in the past. You’ve lost your spiritual routines, the rhythms that made your relationship with Christ vibrant and alive, where learning took place and you were challenged to make changes in your thinking and your actions. You know what to do, you just aren’t doing it.

There’s no overriding reason as to why this took place. If you look back you know that you didn’t intentionally walk away from these routines, in fact all you can really say is that it happened and you’re really not sure why.

As one who disciples others, your role in this circumstance is to encourage them to get back to what they know. To have them reflect on what their relationship with Christ was like when they were engaging in these routines and to have them yearn for that once again. If the lull goes on to long and you have a good relationship with that individual, you may have the courage to move from the “carrot” approach to the “stick” approach. However in all of this, you know and the person knows what they need to do to get out of the lull – it’s simply time to get back in the game.

Now be “stuck” is a completely different matter. When I come across someone who is stuck, I realize that the desire to grow is there, that they want to deepen their relationship with Jesus, they simply don’t know how. They don’t have the tools necessary to make it happen, no one has given them the time to help them develop any routines that will get them unstuck.

In these circumstances, this is where your fun can start. If they are willing to be led, then all I can say is “Let the discipling relationship begin.” You have some tools that you can give them. You can help them develop a regular quiet time. You can help them memorize and reflect on scripture. You can teach them how to pray in new and meaningful ways. You can step out and serve with them so that they can discover their gifts and their role in the body of Christ. You can help to get them unstuck.

As one who disciples others, always be aware of the situation you are dealing with – a person experiencing a lull versus someone who is stuck are two different zones of life. Reflect on each circumstance, know when to simply encourage, know when you may need to challenge, and know when you are required to come alongside to teach and train a person and provide them with the necessary tools so that they will know how to feed themselves. And one day they will also do the same with others. Who knows, perhaps one day they will encourage you when you are in a lull.

Blessings on this journey of discipling others.

For the kingdom.