If you have read some of my previous writings, you know that I am an advocate of “triads.” Simply put, three people that meet together on a regular basis for the purpose of personal and spiritual growth and development. They key to this is the benefits of the size of the group – 3.

A friend who is also an advocate was telling me about a number of guys who he has been talking with, all of who he would love to be involved in a group with him. The issue was that his group would end up being 5 or 6 guys. He wondered if he should simply choose some of the guys and dismiss the others for another time or trust that someone else would pick them up. How important was it to have only 3 guys? Should he deviate from what he has been committed to the past 4 years? Is he heading to failure if he does?

It was a great conversation as we bounced around the pros and cons. And we realized that in these circumstances, it is imperative that we always go back to the core, what we are trying to accomplish. We can never let the forms we use become more important than the reason we meet in the first place.

Honestly, a group of 5 or 6 may work, in fact, a group of 80 could work if every single person was fully committed and self-motivated and willing to go deep relationally as they trust everyone with who they are and had each other’s best interest at heart.

How often have you heard the phrase “we’ve always done it this way.” How many churches are dwindling down to nothing simply because they want to hold on to a way of “doing church” that no longer connects within this cultural context.

My encouragement to him was simple – go for it. And as you do, be constantly aware of the dynamics and how the guys are maturing in their faith. Try to understand what is working well and what isn’t. Make changes as necessary and if it doesn’t work out, don’t worry about it. Take courage in the fact that you kept the main things the main things and that you were willing to step out and try something beyond what was the norm for you.

We need to always be asking questions about what works and what doesn’t. We need to always be trying new things in order to help others mature in their faith in God. And we must never become so tied to what is working today that we miss what will work in the future. Maintain the core purposes of what you are trying to accomplish and experiment always with the forms to get there.

For the kingdom.

Our church recently developed a reflection exercise. It provides a simple process for someone to think through the various aspects of their life to determine where they believe they need to put some concerted effort into personal growth and development.

I was a key player in putting this together and then rolling it out. Honestly, I hoped that maybe 10% of those who received it would actually take the time to work through it. Not a high number by any means, but if some begin to pause to reflect then perhaps over time others would see the impact that it had on their life and desire it for themselves.

My wife Janice and I both went through it and spent some time over dinner one evening letting each other know what we discovered. For me it was good to articulate back to her what I was thinking and what I believed to be some of my next steps of growth.

By way of modelling, let me share with you my own reflection results and what I believe I need to spend time focussing on the next 6 months or so.

Interestingly, my growth landed in the area of home, specifically my marriage and my parenting.

As I shared with Janice, I want our next 23 years of marriage to be so fun and engaging that the first 23 years would seemed bad in comparison. Specifically, I decided that I needed to stop nit-picking her in some areas, it just wasn’t fair to her and frankly it did nothing to help her or enhance our relationship. I won’t give specifics here but I did give her some concrete examples.

How am I going to do this – first of all, I told her, so she knows my desires. Second, I’ve told others including my men’s study group, so they can hold me accountable. Third, we are going to attend the marriage seminar that our church is hosting this fall. I believe that these three things will go a long way in helping me to take steps forward on this.

The second area of growth for me is in parenting. My children are 20 and 18; both are in university. My 20 year old son is married and so I now also have a daughter-in-law. How do you parent children at this stage of life? I don’t think you can simply “hope” it all works out well, there needs to be some intentionality. Looking back on the past 6 months to a year, I think I have already missed unique opportunities. I need to grow in this.

So what am I doing? At this point in time, I have begun to have conversations with others who are 10 or more years beyond me on this journey. I am asking them what they learned, what they did well and what they would have done differently. I am trusting that I will be able to gain insight and be the father that I believe I need to be and that my children want.

As one who leads others, we all need to take the time to reflect on our lives. We need to be continually increasing our awareness of where our gaps are so that we can live lives that reflect Christ to those we lead and those we connect with.

Reflecting isn’t always easy. It often reveals things that we simply don’t want to know about, and yet, left unchecked, these areas may be our downfall.

Let’s all decided that we will do the hard work of looking in the mirror, honestly recognizing where we need to grow, and then taking practical steps to bring about change. It’s worth it.

For the kingdom.