When I think about the word success, I am taken back to my high school days and the cheerleading squad that would cheer on the various sports teams. “S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that’s the way we spell success. Can we win it, well I guess, Eden Flyers are the best.” And then they would repeat it, over and over again, jumping up and down, doing cartwheels and waving Pom-poms.

In sports, success is defined by winning – if you win, you are successful, and if you lose you are not. Now I suppose as a team is rebuilding they will look for signs of improvement over time and call that success, but in reality, we all know that success in sports is to win, period.

So how would you define success in a discipling relationship? What is a win? Is it even reasonable or worthwhile or biblical to do this? When it is over, when you leave those you were formally discipling and send them on their way, how will you know if you were successful?

I’ve pondered this question over the years. And as with any rebuilding sports team, I am always looking for signs of growth, and in a way each sign I see as part of the success, wins along the way. Have their prayers become more about others and not simply their own needs, has the rawness of certain scriptures gripped their lives in unique ways demonstrating an openness to hear from God, has their  vulnerability in our relationship grown, have they made positive changes to their various relationships due to the subtle promptings from them Holy Spirit, and on and on. These are all great things and I am excited when I see any one of them taking place.

And yet for me, these are only markers on the journey to success, they are not the win.

So how do I define success?

Success is when someone I have discipled steps out from my council and chooses to come alongside someone else and take responsibility for their spiritual growth as I did for them – that for me is success. It is pretty easy to measure, there are no fuzzy edges to guess at – someone either is or isn’t discipling someone else.

And here is the interesting thing – I believe that, after 25 years of building into the lives of other guys, that I am about 50% successful. Of all of the guys that I have spent time with, week in and week out, praying together, engaging with scripture, sharing meals, serving together, laughing, crying – half of them decide that this is important enough to do with others while the rest carry on with life.

I have shared this definition with others over the years. Some think that I am being harsh or critical in my definition of success, that I have no idea the impact my discipling relationship had on the lives of those who perhaps did not choose to take up the mantle of discipleship as I have defined it. That is true. Someone’s life will change if they are in a tight relationship for 1-2 years, no doubt, and I am thankful for that. And yet for me, the only way that others will gain the benefit of a life-on-life discipling relationship is if those who have experienced it choose to also take up the mantle, there is no other way.

As such, I will continue to hold to my definition of success and continue to work toward increasing my success rate beyond 50%. This is what I will choose to “run my race” for. How do you define success?

For the Kingdom.

My children are both in university. To get in, they had to meet some minimum requirements, without which they would not have been accepted. There are many degrees and diploma programs available if you choose to enter university or college, each with its requirements for entrance – MCATs, LSATs, volunteer work, minimum marks, specific high school courses, etc.

Once they graduate, they will enter the workforce where once again they will face certain barriers, minimum requirements to begin their career. I think that most of us are okay with people in many careers having to meet certain minimum requirements, otherwise we could be diagnosed incorrectly by the doctor, the bridge we drive over may collapse, the food we eat may make us ill and the counsellor we see may lead us astray.

How about becoming a disciple? How do we approach those that agree to connect with us? Do we take a laissez-fair attitude toward them, or do we have some minimum requirements? And yes, I do recognize that we are all unique and our personalities are different and our learning styles are not the same. And yet, we must always keep in mind that we are committing to help someone grow, and that growth means that they need to stretch, and that stretching isn’t always all the comfortable, and yet without without they won’t grow.

So here is my question – what are your minimum requirements of those you meet with? What will they be required to do? Are you willing to remove someone from your discipling relationship if they don’t want to meet the minimum requirements? And yes, my personality is such that I may not “feel” as much as others do, so perhaps you may be thinking that I’m mean spirited. And yet, what did Jesus say: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow.” What do you think that really means? He told the rich young ruler to go away until he was ready to sell everything. He looked at Peter and said “Get behind me Satan.” He scolded Martha for missing out. And on and on we could go.

So I ask you again, what are your minimum requirements for those that you disciple? What hoops will they be required to jump through? You are giving of your life for the sake of another – don’t you want a return for your efforts?

I have written on the requirements I have developed for the guys that I meet with in previous blogs, I don’t need to go into that here. The question is for you – think about, pray about, talk about – what will you require of those that you are willing to give of your life? This is kingdom work, don’t take it lightly.