The last seven posts on this site have highlighted the learning from my recent thesis that I wrote for my doctoral studies. Perhaps I was aware of these conclusions before, and intuitively knew it, yet having them rise up from my research and then being forced to articulate them was extremely encouraging for me.

There was one final aspect that I decided to not put down as a final conclusion in my thesis but simply called it “Confession of a Researcher.” Let me explain.

The research method that I used is a method known as Narrative Research, hearing people’s stories in the midst of real life circumstances. Five individuals had agreed to allow me to include them in my research during the 8 month initiative of my research. I interviewed these 5 individuals before the initiative started to get a base line of where their lives were at. I then interviewed them again after the 8 month initiative was over to determine what, if any, life change took place and also what may have lead to this life change.

My confession is this: two of the people, who I interviewed at the start, when the interview was over, I had already come to my conclusions about them: I wasn’t expecting any life change to take place in their lives over the 8 months. I had determined that they would be a part of my research that demonstrated that not everyone will learn as I expect. What I thought this exactly I’m not sure, but something about their language and tone led me to this conclusion.

I was wrong!

In the final interview after the 8 months was over, one stated: “This was much more of a spiritual experience than I was ever expecting.” This person then went on to describe how the bible readings we looked at and discussed moved them in ways they were not expecting. At the start they simply thought that they would gain “head knowledge” about the topic to allow them to serve their community in a better way, nothing else. However through the 8 months their heart was moved in unexpected ways.

The other remarked: “If I had to do it over again, I’d spend less time on church committees and more time engaging my community. I thought I knew the bible, yet I found out that I was missing huge components of it.”

My reflex to quickly come to conclusions is not a characteristic that I pride myself in always. Sure, at times it is important as a leader to make decisions to move things forward. However, when it comes to life change, who am I to decide how the Holy Spirit will move? Who am I to think that I can tell what is going on in someone’s heart to determine whether or not the “soil” is ready to receive “seed” that will reap a huge harvest?

I need to always remind myself to simply be faithful to my calling to “go and make disciples.” The disciples Jesus chose weren’t any other rabbi’s choice, yet they changed the world. Who am I to determine how journeying with someone will impact them?

May I always decide that I will take the discipleship journey with others, to provide them what I can, to model what I know, and allow God to be God in the process. It’s much more enjoyable that way.

For the Kingdom.

When you choose to come alongside someone in a discipling relationship, you need to recognize up front that this is not going to be a straight road with consistent growth each and every week. It just doesn’t work that way.

I often wonder if my life would be a lot easier if I simply went the journey of conducting short term seminars on discipleship and met with people now and again for one-off conversations about their relationship with Jesus – I think life would be a lot simpler. I could avoid the messy conversations. I could avoid seasons of dryness when it appears (note – appears) that there is no growth taking place and that perhaps we are simply going through the motions. I could avoid having to talk through ongoing issues and pain as they get worked through. I could avoid having to “pick someone up” and give them ongoing encouragement to stay the course, that in the end, it will all be worth it.

Yet that isn’t how it works. Discipleship is confusing, messy and often uncomfortable, both for the person you are coming alongside and for yourself as well – remember, your journey of growth never stops either; you are bringing it into the relationship with you.

So the question is not whether it will be confusing, messy and uncomfortable, the question is how I will respond when these aspects are blindingly evident. The easy thing to do would be to give up, chalk it up to the other person’s unwillingness to “get it” or having an unwillingness to want to step in and grow. But typically that isn’t the case. In fact, it is during the confusing, messy and uncomfortable times that the most amazing growth is taking place; you simply need the stamina to push through to the other side, both you and the person you are journeying with.

I recall a situation when the two guys I was meeting with were both dragging themselves into our weekly gathering. Verses weren’t memorized, the work was barely looked at, our praying seemed ineffective and I felt as though I had to carry them from week to week, encouraging them to stay the course. It so happened that we couldn’t meet for two weeks, I can’t remember why, but I think I was happy to have a break from these “lazy, no commitment, guys”. (Sorry, just being honest). It is during these times when I start to consider whether or not we should continue. I’m not one to drag someone along for too long, there needs to be commitment on both sides. It’s also times like these when I wonder if any life-on-life discipling relationships are worth it, are my efforts all for naught.

When we resumed getting together there was a whole new atmosphere. They were engaged, they had made new commitments to the journey. They realized that they had not been fully committed prior to our break, yet they both recognized how much this meant to them and the impact it was having on their marriages and parenting. It was as if they needed the dry spell, a time when the commitment of regularly meeting needed to be tested and questioned to understand the life-giving atmosphere that they were a part of. They were reenergized, and I was reenergized.

When you get into this line work – life-on-life discipleship – you’d better be sure why you are doing it. It can’t be for the glory or glamour or recognition, because you won’t get it. This is tough slugging kingdom work. Slow, steady, methodical, messy, confusing, uncomfortable – add your own words. Yet, after 25 years in this business, I can tell you that it’s worth it – deep, rich, rewarding.

So commit to pushing through, commit to learning the craft, commit to walking through swamps, commit to getting dirty, and commit to seeing lives changed. It is worth it.

For the Kingdom.