“We weren’t aloof with you. We took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. We loved you dearly. Not content to just pass on the Message, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did.” 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

If there is one thing that separates a mediocre discipling experience from a life changing one, it is love from the leader. That’s you. You must fully embrace those that you are leading. You need to pour out your life into theirs with a love that goes far beyond any feeling or emotion. You must love those you lead when they energize you and when they frustrate you, when they take initiative and when they don’t want to even show up, let alone complete any assignment you have given. You need to love them when they ask questions that you think are meaningless and simply a distraction. You must love them so much that you can’t wait to see them again just to hear about their day, the little things and the big. You must love them so that you pray for them as though praying for your own children.

“He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end…. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet…” John 13 These words from the Gospel of John always cut me to the core. Interestingly, during this foot washing episode the disciples still didn’t understand what was happening, yet Jesus continued on. I often wonder how frustrated Jesus was with his disciples.

The journey of discipleship is so much more than a program you take someone through, it is more than a linear process full of activities that get checked off. Discipleship is you. It is you giving yourself to someone else. It will keep you up at night when you don’t believe that those you are building into really want to commit, to “deny themselves and take up their cross.” You will feel the pain when their relational world is in turmoil and they question everything.

It is also exuberance when the “light turns on” and the scriptures come alive to them. It is gratitude for having been able to share the deepest aspects of life together knowing that it is a safe place for all of you.

Let’s agree with John. “Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment—to love one another—is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it.” (1 John 2:7-8)

Love those that you lead. There really is no other way.

In every discipling relationship I engage in, I desperately want to witness life change – preferably significant life change. Each time I meet with the guys I’m connecting with, I look for every sign of positive growth. Is the conversation deeper than the last time we met? Do their prayers sound more passionate? Are they enjoying scripture more? Are they intentionally engaged in acts of service?

When I see what I deem as growth, inwardly I celebrate and at times pat myself on the back. When I don’t see what I deem as growth, I might get frustrated and discouraged. Often times it even leads me to long periods of prayer telling God what he needs to be doing on my behalf so that I’ll see the growth that I want to see.

STOP!

Why this desire on my part to see growth? Why do I think that I know what growth even looks like?

I recall a situation where someone I had met with was moving out of the city. We had connected for about a year and I honestly felt that the life change I was hoping for never materialized – and now he was leaving. I chalked it up to a good but not significant experience and moved on. Six months after he left he called me. He thanked me for the huge impact that I had had on his life and that he had already rallied a few guys around him for the purposes of discipleship – and he was leading the group!

That was five years ago. And to this day he continues to intentionally build into the lives of others. He loves God passionately, engages with scripture regularly, and leads his family and business with integrity. He has every reason available as to why he is too busy to seek out other guys to lead. Yet something profound happened to him in our time together. I didn’t witness it when I wanted to, and yet God was doing an amazing work in his life.

I have chosen to intentionally build into the lives of others. To go the distance. Life-on-life. Long-haul stuff. Yet in the course of each relationship, I need to continually remind myself that I am simply called to be obedient to each relationship. Whether someone “gets it” in the end is not my decision or responsibility. I can not live for the accolades of others. I need only live for the affirmation of Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Jesus said “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me, therefore go and make disciples…” Matthew 28:18-20. The authority is Jesus’, mine is discipleship. Jesus causes the life change, I’m simply the instrument he uses. I need to relax and just do what I’m called to do. Life change is not my responsibility. “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” Jesus said. That’s the life I want to live.

Stay faithful. Stick to the course. God will work in ways that we can never fathom.

Well done, good and faithful servant.

Blessings . . . Matthew