I’m continually fascinated with the word “facilitate” that is consistently used in many group settings I’ve come across, especially in churches. “Small Groups” have people who facilitate discussions. People attend meetings to make decisions that are facilitated by one of the members.

At the core of this is perhaps a desire to demonstrate that we are all equal partners, that no one person is better than the other, that everyone’s ideas are good ideas and need to be listened to and respected and that somehow the group will come to the best and most reliable conclusion through facilitation.

When it comes to discipleship, let’s declare the idea of facilitation not as progressive and meaningful but as misguided and counterproductive.

When you begin the journey to help others become disciples of Jesus, either you asked someone to join you or someone came to you. In either case, these individuals are assuming that you are further down the road of discipleship than they are and that you have something to offer them that they sense is missing in their lives. Whether you like it or not, they are looking to you to take them somewhere and it is time for you to step up and lead, not facilitate. You are the one guiding the discussion, you are the one asking them to engage in spiritual disciplines that they have never or seldom engaged in and you are the one sharing your life journey as something to imitate. And yes, we are not perfect and we continue to learn, yet with the confidence of the Apostle Paul we need to step out and say “Imitate me.” (1 Cor 4:16)

Without a leader, groups grow stale and naturally die out. Let’s stop thinking that being nice by facilitating is the most “Christian” way to pursue discipleship, it is not. It has been my experience that people want to be led. Interestingly, even though I lead others on the journey of discipleship, I still look to others with more experience to lead me.
Lead confidently that you are called to engage others in true discipleship. Those you lead will be better off and thank you for it.

“Am I afraid of high notes? Of course I am afraid. What sane man is not.”
Luciano Pavarotti
It’s important to address the topic of fear when it comes to leading others in a discipling relationship. And just to be clear, after 25 years of personal involvement, I can honestly say that I still have fear, I still question many things.

1) Will the guys like me? It might sound strange to begin with this, but I guess I’m human; we all want to be liked. And in leading others through a process of learning what it means to be a disciple of Jesus, I’m going to touch on topics that will be challenging, I’m going to ask them to do things that they might not really want to do (think scripture memory) or they might think strange. They will also see parts of my personality that will probably be different from they are expecting. I’m afraid that they might think less of me or think bad thoughts of me or think I don’t know what I’m doing. I fear this.

2) Does the discipling process I engage in work? From a human perspective, I can only see the external impact, what a person is now doing as a result of meeting with me (scripture reading and study, prayer, service to others, etc), I can never see the heart. Are the guys I meet with only going through the motions? Am I wasting my time? Once we have finished connecting, perhaps for up to two years, will they have caught the vision for discipleship or has the time resulted in very little life change. Is fear too strong a word to use here? Perhaps, but I do fear that my approach may not always be effective.

3) Will we like each other? Many of the guys I connect with have never met each other before we begin our journey together. In asking guys to join with me I try to be sensitive to their personalities and life stages so that there is a better chance of us starting off strong, and yet will we? Interestingly, I don’t think Jesus worried about this when you look at the cross section of people that he chose to build into, it’s amazing that they were able to stay together for 3 years without physically hurting each other! And yet I want us as a group to develop a deep intimacy of friendship, that we can trust each other, that we like being together. I fear this won’t be the case.

4) Do I have what it takes? After all, who do I think I am, taking responsibility for the spiritual growth and development of other guys? Am I really qualified? Will I have ALL of the answers to their questions (the answer is no). In reflecting on all the guys that I have met with over the years, I still fear that I may not have the skills to help someone learn what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.

Have you had any of these fears? Perhaps you have some of your own. Fear can be prolific and it will grow in very unreasonable ways if we let it.

However in all of these fears, I’ve become convinced that I am called to simply enter into these relationships out of a sense of obedience. I look around at what I see as “bored Christians” who are going through the weekend church routine without truly engaging their faith and I think, “Someone needs to do this. If not I, then who?”

If you think about it, we all want to be liked, and yet we won’t always be liked. We all wonder if lives are really being changed, and yet we’ve witnessed enough amazing life changing stories to know the Holy Spirit is still actively working – look at your own life. We all want to be part of the perfect community where everyone gets along, and yet the only way to get there is to model it to others and enter into the hard work of making relationships work. And finally, none of us has what it takes, and yet Jesus still calls us to this work. And in this we can agree with the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians: “But he [Jesus] said to me, ’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

May you sense the power of the Holy Spirit in your life to overcome your fears as you engage in the wonderful work of helping others become disciples of Jesus.

Blessings . . . Matthew