Madison’s Question to Matthew: Being in leadership means taking risks. What risks have completely failed? How did you reconcile that? How may have it created new opportunities? Where did you see the growth from that experience?

As someone who has led at various levels and in numerous capacities, the idea of risk is something that is almost always energizing for me. I love the idea of moving into new territory, trying to do new things or trying to do existing things in new ways. It is fun to think something through the best that you can, knowing that you will never have all of the information necessary, and then to step forward – I liken it to building a bridge as you are walking on it, building just far enough ahead for the next step.

All that being said, the idea of failure in the midst of leading still makes my heart skip a beat. There are times when, in the midst of leading a new initiative, you can’t see far enough ahead and you are not sure of the next step. Or the previous step you took just didn’t work out as you thought and you have this sense of free falling without any means of stopping – it is out of control. As I thought about this question, I realized that there have been several ways that I have seen or experienced failure.

1) Overconfidence in my abilities – When leading out, I can typically see the entire conclusion of the initiative in my mind, completely finished and operating smoothly – not all the steps to get there, just the finished product. I then embark on the journey of making it a reality only to realize sometimes, part way through, that my skillset is not adequate enough to make it all happen and that I don’t have the right people around me to fill in my gaps. This causes sleepless nights.

2) Overconfidence in others – I can recall situations where I have embarked on an initiative with someone that I believed could deliver their part of a new project. However, in reality, they didn’t have the skills that I thought they had, or they didn’t have the grit to follow through. (At times, looking back, I should have seen it, but I convinced myself that they could pull through.) These are always difficult circumstances as they may have believed that they can do their piece and were not personally aware of their gaps. At times they have been friends and this has led to awkward conversations.

3) People’s overconfidence with me – this one is strange to think about yet their have been times when someone has believed in me so much that I “drank the kool aid” and believed in their belief in me and didn’t pause long enough to determine if this truly was my area of strength. These have caused much stress as I didn’t want to let them down yet I knew part way in that this was not going to be easy.

4) Overconfidence in my vision of the future – I can at times become so convinced in what the future could look like that I become blind to the many aspects that would cause it to fail. This will most often occur after a number of successes that has increased my confidence in my thinking. Perhaps it is pride that has set in, a belief that I am in the zone and nothing can get in the way of my perceived clarity of thinking.

All that being said, I prefer to see every failure as a way to learn and grow. And often, this is the case. However, angst for me arises when those around me during these times of failure do not want to allow learning to happen. There are always some people who seem to be looking to say “I told you so” and believe that it is their purpose in life to take you down (this is my perception at times, although in reality I don’t believe it is typically true, at least I choose to believe it is not the case.) At my core, I really don’t want to disappoint anyone and knowing that a leadership decision I made frustrated someone or caused them to lose confidence in me is disheartening.

To lead is to risk, and to risk is to choose to fail. Not all risks will lead to success. Sometimes you’ll achieve partial success, sometimes none at all. To lead is to accept that you will be misunderstood when things don’t go as you declared at the start. If you are not willing to accept this reality, then you shouldn’t take on positions of leadership. You can manage, you can administrate, you can guide – you just shouldn’t lead.

So what have I learned through the failures that I have encountered?

First, I have learned what I am good at, what I am adequate at, and what I am very poor at. Reflecting on past failures has caused me to “stick to my knitting” more and more.

Second, I have come to appreciate the unique skills that others bring that will allow my leading to have a greater chance of success. I have become much more willing to listen to the other voices and their perspectives – this often saves me anxiety as things are implemented. I especially am willing to listen to those people who have been with me through various leadership risks as we have come to respect each other over the years.

Third, there is a big difference between seeing and creating a vision for the future, and leading people into that future. I have enjoyed conversations with many visionary people, those who can see the beauty of what could be. Yet I have also seen many of those same people be unable to take people to that future because of an inability to lead well. I believe that holistic leadership is both vision of a better future as well as an ability to influence others to go there with you and use their abilities in the process.

Writing this blog has caused a fair amount of reflection on my leadership going back to High School. It has been an interesting journey – one the I know has not yet ended. More failure still to come.

For the Kingdom.

Matthew’s question for Madison: What are your thoughts on solitude?

The exact definition of solitude, according to Google, is the state of being alone.

Well, I admit it – I’m writing this at Starbucks. And there’s a lot of buzz going on around me.

So that establishes pretty quickly what my general thoughts on solitude are. I don’t do it well, nor do I enjoy it.

I have wondered why solitude has always been a spiritual discipline that I’ve struggled with. Maybe it’s because I’m an extravert and am way more motivated when I’m around others. But I am often wary of using that as an excuse to not engage with something Jesus modeled. After all, God can overthrow any of my temperaments.

So I began thinking of another potential reason, and I came up with the fact that I’m a millennial. Yet again, I don’t use this as an excuse, but rather an idea that peaks my interest (it brings me back to my sociology and psychology classes – and I have very fond memories). Millennial’s are the first generation to have technology literally at their fingertips. We have multiple social media profiles and more ‘friends’ than anyone could dream of having. When we’re bored, we don’t have to even think about what to do – just pick up the phone and scroll. There’s a neuron in our brains called the ‘stop neuron’. This neuron fires when we finish an activity, letting us know it’s time to move on and find the next thing. So when you finish a run for example, the stop neuron recognizes that you’ve completed the task, let’s the rest of your brain know, and then the next step commences. On your phone, scrolling through your newsfeed, the stop neuron doesn’t fire – there’s no end. (Though I’m now thankful for Instagram’s “You’re all caught up” since it actually makes me stop).

So we have a perceived endless amount of friends, and picture perfect profiles yet we’re the loneliest generation out there. Research shows people can spend multiple hours a day just scrolling through social media because there’s nothing better to do – and there’s a fear of missing something. I’ve grown up in a generational culture of FOMO, and a constant connectedness – and have felt the loneliness that comes with it all. And with that loneliness comes a craving for true human connection.

In solitude, by definition, there is no human connection for a time.

The other component of the culture that I’ve grown up in is busyness. I wonder if it’s the effect of living in a lonely world? You always need to be doing something or seeing someone or trying something new. Admittedly, my personality quite enjoys the rush – but a little over a year ago I learned the hard way that God designed our bodies to be limited.

Jesus understood the importance of solitude. Let’s look at Matthew 14 for an example. Jesus just spent a very long time teaching the crowds, and then worked a miracle by feeding all five thousand of them. When it was all said and done, Jesus was with His disciples – which was probably no where near peace and quiet. He sent them take the boat across the lake while He took the mountain route to have some time alone. Verse 23 says, “After he dismissed them, He went up on the mountainside by Himself to pray”.

He spent a full day giving of Himself and knew that the only way He’d recharge was to be with His Father – not netflix or a nap (or their cultural alternative). And I’m definitely guilty of this so in no way am I pointing fingers.

As Christ followers, Jesus is our example to follow. Solitude was important for Him to reconnect with the Creator, so it raises up the fact that it should be important for us to imitate.

I learned more about the importance of solitude while attending a Bible school in Germany this past year than I ever have living in the hustle and bustle of the day to day tasks. Sure, the time I had there was more like living in a bubble, but it was critical for me on so many levels for that season of life. My first month there I experienced a depth of loneliness I’ve never felt before – I had no family, no friends, no familiar environment, and basically no wifi. It was literally just God and I. I spent a lot of time reading and journaling and walking in solitude. I felt more in tune with God then I had ever experienced before. Every day it was, “Okay God, it’s you and I. What are we going to do?” And we’d spend time together.

Now that I’ve been home for four months, the day to day work has kicked back in and I find it much harder to actively engage with solitude. Daily devotions are still very important to me, but beyond that, I find time of being alone incredibly draining and exhausting. And I know I’m not the only one. There are so many factors at play as to why I dislike it currently, but maybe God wanted to remind me that solitude is okay through the writing of this blog – and remind me of how Jesus’ example is one that I need to follow and obey – not because of legalism, but because of importance.