Matthew’s Question to Madison: What are you learning about giving feedback to people?

I give really great feedback.

In my head.

Or maybe that’s just criticism?

Hmm.

But seriously.

Depending on the context, feedback and I could simply be acquaintances, but in other areas we’re best buds. For example, when it comes to church events and kid’s programs, I will freely, openly, honestly, and graciously provide feedback since those are contexts that I know well. I trust my experiences and gained knowledge which allow me to confidently express my thoughts.

On the other side, when it comes to character feedback, I’m often more hesitant. Maybe it’s because there are so many factors that contribute to one’s behaviour that I don’t want to jump to conclusions; or maybe it’s because I know that I have flaws and don’t want to hypocritically approach someone about theirs.

Yet I know that I value other people’s feedback in my life, whether work or character related, that I realize its importance in our lives.

From having positive feedback given to me, and learning how to provide feedback to others, here are a few things I’ve learned / am learning:

1. Be specific.

For a while, I thought giving feedback from an airplane’s view was helpful and compassionate, expecting the receiver to see the tiny moving target thousands of feet below them. Why they didn’t carry binoculars, I’ll never know! Now I’ve realized that landing the plane is best. When I need to give feedback to someone, I’m sure to tell them about the specific thing that I’ve noticed could be improved, and give them a new direction to aim.

2) Be immediate.

This one has been a huge learning for me lately, and my dad has pushed me in this – and modelled it well. I’ve always been hesitant to give honest feedback (except with those closest to me!) because I want to process every angle of the situation in case I missed a critical viewpoint. By the time my analysis finishes, it’s typically too late to even approach the topic. And that only leaves me frustrated. I’m learning that when there’s an area where I need to say something, there are ways to respectfully give feedback while also giving space for them to fill in the gaps that I’m may not have been aware of. This allows open and honest communication right from the start.

3) Focus on your perception of the behaviour, not the identity.

If someone walked into my office and started pointing fingers at me and claiming I needed to improve, I would internalize the belief that that person was attacking my core identity. That wouldn’t be healthy or helpful for me – or anybody who receives feedback that way. Instead, it’s best to start with “I noticed” or “I felt” since no one can argue your perspective on the situation. And if it remains specific, the receiver can more easily enter into a posture of improvement rather than believing they are useless.

4) When unsure, use wise counsel

I have had many interesting friendship moments where I’ve gone to my parents or mentors to ask for advice as to how to approach a certain conversation. At work, I often use a co-worker to bounce thoughts off of as to what to say and how to say something to someone. Wise counsel is … well … wise. They bring different experiences and perspectives that can help round out the picture, as well as help phrase things respectfully and clearly.

I will say writing these points was as much a reminder for me as I continue to learn the art form of giving feedback. When I’m in doubt, I will now just start with asking questions to probe deeper and see if what I’m seeing is actually something to address or not. I had a moment a few weeks ago where I was concerned with a friend’s relationship choice. There were factors I wasn’t aware of for sure, but I also couldn’t leave the wrestling inside me, so I simply started asking her questions and probing deeper to see if my concerns were legitimate. Through our conversation, I discovered that some of my concerns were right, but others were not, so I could back down on those thoughts.

This is an area of leadership that only gets easier with experience, so as I keep encountering situations where feedback is required, I will keep diving in and seeing what more I can learn.

Madison’s Question to Matthew: How have you come to balance your big picture thinking with those you work with who are detail oriented?

It is interesting to look at population statics by Myers-Briggs personality type; what percentage of people of the 16 variations fall into each category. One particular aspect is very enlightening to me – S, Sensors, or detailed oriented people, compared with N, Intuitives, or big picture oriented people. It is estimated that Sensors make up 74% of the population, leaving Intuitives to make up 26%. (This data is from personalitymx.com).

Typically, Intuitives, or big picture thinkers, will more naturally gravitate to seeing things from a 40,000-foot level, all the pieces fitting in place before dropping down to the details of how to make it happen. Intuitives will make leaps of logic (at least that’s how they perceive it) as to where things can go next. They don’t need hard data from the past to extrapolate where to go next, it’s a gut thing.

Sensors see things differently. They start with what details they know, the facts that are known to them or that can be known, and will build up from there. They don’t make leaps from their gut, it’s not their natural inclination. They naturally live more in the details, seeing all the steps necessary to accomplish something and seeing the gaps in the “leaps of the intuitive”.

I am an intuitive, 100%. I dream about where things can go, what new ways we can impact a situation. I dream about an organization, an entire city, a country or the world. I simply can’t help myself, it’s where I go. And, as someone who has authority to lead an organization, it is fun to engage in this kind of thinking because I can actually move the organization in this thinking, to make my big picture thinking become a reality. I am not caught in to pains of dreaming without having any means by which to make these ideas a reality.

Now I know that my organization does have limits, I can’t fulfill all of my dreams or ideas, but I definitely can enjoy to beauty of watching many of my “leaps of logic” come to fruition.

All that being said, one of my biggest learnings that past years has been the enjoyment of allowing the sensors, those who thrive in the details, to bring these ideas to life. I know that I do get strange looks at the beginning stages of my conversations with them when I have made these “leaps of logic”, (very logical to my way of thinking yet not to a sensor).

Earlier in my career, I was always confused as to why others couldn’t simply jump with me and see what I was seeing. And yet, gratefully, I have been able to move from a position of slight frustration in having to “bring them along” until they “get it” to a point of seeing the beauty in the amazing contribution they bring. In reality, my big picture thinking is only as good as the details that can make them a reality. Sure, I have learned over the years to develop the details to allow my big ideas get traction, yet it is always a chore.

More and more, I am learning the art of releasing and explaining where I believe we could go as an organization, allowing the detail oriented people to ask their questions (this used to frustrate me, but now I am extremely intrigued but how they perceive my ideas and the questions it raises for them and how their questions change the idea, at times in profound ways that did not see) and build in their insight during the process. I can’t tell you how much time this actually saves in the long run.

And perhaps this is why 76% of people are detail oriented and only 24% of us see the big picture. A world of ideas without proper implementation and follow through doesn’t do anyone any good. It is an artist with a picture in their mind but no one is able to see it on the canvas. It is a car designer with a break through look that no one can ever enjoy. And it is a pastor of a local church with a unique way to engage the culture that no one ever gets to experience because it never gets implemented by those who can take it and put legs to it.

As an organization, we continually have conversations around personality styles. We truly do want each person to live in their natural tendencies. Sometimes this will involve a job change, sometimes it means a role at another organization. I can tell you that as a leader of others, nothing causing me more angst than observing someone trying to live in a space that they were not designed to live in. At times they try to make it work yet it always feels so forced. I have great joy in guiding a conversation that allows someone to move into their sweet spot so that everyone wins – the organization and them.

For me, I will continue to make “leaps of logic” as I am designed to do. And I will continue to learn how to bring in those who can take these ideas and build the infrastructure around them as they were designed to do. And hopefully, we can all look back at the pieces we all played and realize that we did it together, we were all critical to its success.

For the kingdom.