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Life-Giving Lists

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Full disclosure – although I’ve been personally living out the idea of a life-giving list for years, I’ve never had a specific term for it. So I want to give full credit to Steve Cuss, a pastor in Broomfield, Colorado for giving me this term.

So, do you have a life-giving list?

Let me set this up. For those of us who lean more to the “type-A” driven mentality, who love to drive initiatives forward, who think big thoughts and jump into delivering on them without first giving too much thought to how much time and energy they will actually take, who see opportunity in every problem and want to help solve it, and on and on – you get the picture – we have, on more than one occasion, come close to, or have actually, burned out. The degree of burnout may have been significant and required drastic measures, or it simply may have been for a few weeks and we needed to sit on a boat in the middle of lake for a few days to simply breathe (been there, done that), yet we swore that we wouldn’t allow this to happen again – can I hear an “Amen!”

What if part of the issue is simply matter of having and employing a life-giving list to allow us to continue to live the life that we believe we are called to live. Now, before I get into the specifics I want to validate my fellow life sojourners who know that their capacity to deliver is broader than many. Who feel a sense of calling for putting themselves out there and owning big projects and other deliverables on behalf of the team. This is in no way a pride thing, in fact, it can at times be a bit of a curse. Yet you feel the weight of responsibility and you know that it is a type of calling on your life, you just can’t not enter into it.

However, you at times (or perhaps consistently) don’t remember that every day has 24 hours for everyone, even you. That there are limits on what you can accomplish, that all of life does not depend on you, that you have only been given a slice of it even though much of it excites you and you want to take more on. And yet you also know that you don’t want to go back to the feeling of burnout either.

You need to embrace your personal life-giving list.

So what is it? It is simply a list of those activities that are life-giving to you. They may be small they may be big. They may cost you nothing, they may be expensive. Some will take you 5 minutes, others will be 2 weeks in length. But they are what you need to enter into to provide you with the energy and clarity that you need to live life well and to be present in all circumstances.

So what does this look like for me.

Simple ones: a walk around the storm-water pond by our house – it takes 20 minutes; 20 push ups; a beer at 4:30 in the afternoon (just one); writing a card to someone to encourage them and mailing it; calling certain people simply to see how their day is.

Longer ones: 40 km bike ride; conversation at a restaurant with nachos and a good friend; working at a coffee shop for a few hours; slow excursion on a pontoon boat to just think; building personal projects at a friend’s woodshop; getting our car repaired and chatting with my mechanic friend during the repair.

Less frequent ones: two weeks at a friend’s cottage; travel to be with friends in Lithuania and doing ministry together.

You can see how unique these are to me, yet even writing these out I can feel the energy coming on.

So what would you put on your list? How could simply inserting these into your daily, weekly and yearly rhythm ensure that you thrive in the context you believe you have been placed in. Simple, yet profound. Embrace your very own life-giving list today.

One more word on feedback

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Matthew’s Question to Madison: What are your reflections on receiving feedback from others?

This week we’re flipping my last blog question from how I’m learning to give feedback, to how I actually receive feedback.

My reflections are not clear cut since receiving feedback from others really depends on who it’s coming from, the context of the conversation, and whether or not I honestly agree with what they’re saying.

Let’s explore a few scenarios – maybe you’ll relate.

Scenario #1: Feedback from Random People

Random people could mean an acquaintance, someone who’s temporarily served in a ministry area I’m involved with, or someone I’ve barely interacted with. I quite often do not soak in their comments. I’ll hear it out, and if it’s valid, I’ll keep it in mind, but I also understand that they won’t know the broader context that their opinions are directed towards. For the sake of my own well-being and for my ministry, I simply cannot whole-heartedly take feedback from people who don’t know me well, or the ministry well.

Scenario #2: Feedback from a Student

Since my job revolves around kids and youth, I have had students approach me before with feedback on how something was done, or how I’ve acted. Some have been bold moves, I must say, but often it’s an innocent comment that just comes through conversation. These moments I listen very carefully to, especially when it comes to programming or how to better lead them. I desire to serve them where they’re at, so I’ll hold what they say and compare it with what I know of the larger picture. Sometimes that means asking for clarity, making a change, or providing them with a perspective they may not have considered. But more often than not, I will always graciously accept comments from students.

Scenario #3: Feedback from a Co-Worker or Supervisor

This one I take much more to heart. I’m very cognizant of the fact that each of my co-workers have an incredible amount of experience and wisdom, and I trust their observations. Admittedly, I’m someone who hates letting down those I deeply respect – it doesn’t matter if I dropped a penny or an enormous elephant, I’ll feel it. In the moments of receiving feedback from any one of them, I’m much more silent in the moment and feel a weight of my actions. After sitting in the discomfort and reflecting on their words, I’m always grateful for the learning, and even more grateful for their model of grace.

I will also say that if my co-workers were not who they were, I’d respond very differently. I’ve had professors and teachers who I did not have a great amount of respect for, and any feedback from them was immediately thrown out. The truth is responded best in love, and if I don’t believe that the person has the best intentions in mind (not just in the moment, but through all interactions), I won’t give the truth the time of day – even if it was truthful.

Scenario #4: Feedback from friends and family

These feedback conversations are the most conversational, from my observations. Friends and family are a different kind of relationship, and with the many moments shared, I sometimes crave their feedback. There have been many times I’ve specifically gone to one of them and asked them for feedback. What are they observing in me and how I treat others? How can they help me draw closer to God through what they see? Many of them know me better than anyone else – especially those who understand the personality lingo of Myers Briggs or the Enneagram, since those bring a deeper level of awareness of how I’m wired.

A little insight into how I function, which some of you may understand from personal experience. I’m naturally a “by works” person. I have unconsciously believed that my value as a person comes from what I did and how I did it. Whenever I’ve had criticism about an assignment, project, event, or something else, I have always taken it incredibly hard – because it felt like an attack on who I was.

Let’s just say God’s had His work cut out for Him! But the more my identity is in who He is, and who I believe I am because of that, the easier feedback is to receive, no matter who the person is. Some instances the feedback from the individual are words that God uses to transform me from the inside out. It is also much easier to apologize and freely admit wrong doing. I’m a flawed human and that will never change on this side of heaven, but I’m saved by grace and grace alone. That is a truth I can live in.