I have had a few conversations in the past few weeks with discipleship leaders who have had people remove themselves from their groups. And when you only have 3 people connecting, losing one person means that you are losing 33% – Yikes. The reasons have varied – some have given “legitimate” reasons, others just aren’t calling and showing up.

Some of the conversations I’ve had with these leaders have to do with their own self-worth – are they failing in what they believe they are called to do. Others have questioned whether they moved to quickly in inviting someone in, that perhaps they weren’t discerning enough. Others are wondering if there really are people “out there” that want to take their relationship with God seriously or not – is it worth their time to engage in such an intentional way.

I will offer some simple guidance on this from my experience:

1) It won’t always be smooth sailing. I have had discipling relationships that were amazing right through and I’ve had others that were cut short for many different reasons. I have had times when the guys I’m with didn’t want to commit, and I’ve had times when I wondered if I personally still wanted to commit. This is just the reality of relationships – messy and often confusing.

2) My role is obedience to the process, my role is not life change. I love 1 Corinthians 3 when Paul states: “It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.” Believe me, I don’t always think this way. I want to control the life change, I want to determine what the person learns next, I want to control the rate of change. But I don’t and I can’t. My role is the planting, the cultivating, the watering. The mystery of the growth has nothing to do with me. This can be both comforting and frustrating all at the same time.

3) Know when to move on. To many times I have wanted to “save” someone.  I believed that I knew what they needed and I was going to drag them along whether they liked it or not. The reality is that sometimes I need to cut someone lose. They just aren’t at the place to receive what I believe I have to offer, for whatever reason. This is not for me to always understand. I do know however that at times I simply need to move on, and that there is nothing wrong with this. I didn’t fail, they aren’t bad people, but it just isn’t moving in the direction I believe it should be moving.

Faithfulness to the process, that is all I can control. May God grant us the strength to keep moving forward, and may we always be humble to keep learning as we continue.

For the kingdom.

I love scripture. As I read it, reflect on it, journal about it, memorize it, listen to messages regarding it, converse with others about it and whatever other way you can think about, I find that it speaks to me. At times the insight is in small increments, and at other times it seems to rise off the page and move me to make incredible life decisions – to either stop doing something or to start doing something.

I try to use scripture to inform as many aspects of my life as possible, to guide and direct how I think about issues and to help me to respond.

All that being said, I have become more and more aware of the importance of not coming to solid convictions on a topic or issue until I have seen the face of the topic. More importantly, I have learned that my response to various issues must not only have sound thinking, they must also have a sound heart response that connects to reality. As a good friend so aptly states, “You can’t do theology without a face.”

Let me explain. I have listened to and read about many “theologically informed” insights on topics such as marriage and divorce, homosexuality, abortion, euthanasia, pre-marital sex, etc. Many of the insights that I have absorbed have appeared to be well researched and are quite articulate. At times however they have had a sense of judgmentalism and an air of simplicity and superiority – “this is what the bible says so let’s just move forward and tell people what to think and do.” Now hear me on this – I don’t necessarily disagree with the conclusions that they come to biblically speaking, yet the way that they appear to want us to approach these issues lacks grace and real life understanding – it lacks a face.

It’s easy to have biblical opinions about homosexuality – it is quite different when a close friend comes out and shares with you that she is “wired” this way. It is easy to have a theological stance on abortion – it is quite different when someone you know shares about their own abortion and the pain surrounding it.

I have found myself entering into these topical conversations with a much more grace-based mindset than I have ever done before. I share my perspective from scripture and then allow them to respond. I ask them to reveal their own journey. At times I have had to let them know, after hearing them out, that I will need to disagree with what they are thinking and/or doing but that I will still love them and care for them. These can be tough conversations, and yet approached from a foundation of grace allows me to stay involved in their lives. I prefer that.

This is not easy stuff. Having an “academic” faith of ideas is easy. You might have lively discussions with others about how you interpret scripture versus their stance, but that’s all it is – a lively discussion that takes place in the air, never having to land. Having a lively conversation while looking into the eyes of someone you love and care for and are friends with is quite another issue.

Have your deep convictions of faith, but make sure you make these with a face on – you’ll be glad that you did.

For the kingdom.