I was having a great conversation with my wife, a fellow disciple-maker, the other day. We were discussing the initial stages of the process when we are only a few months into the journey of intentionally connecting with those we are helping on the journey. As we were bouncing around ideas about the fun as well as the complications of these first few months, she said to me, “It is so fragile.”

As I heard that word, I could only nod my head in agreement. It is a great word to use to describe it. And as we talked more, we realized that the fragility was seen in those we are coming alongside as well as in ourselves. Perhaps you have experienced this.

There is a bit of a dance that takes place at the start of a discipling journey. As much as someone has agreed to allow us to lead them, and as much as we have tried to be fully honest in what our expectations are, they simply “don’t know what they don’t know.” They really don’t know what they are getting themselves into – this includes the time commitment as well as the life change that will take place which can be uncomfortable at time.

After the conversation, I reflected on some of the guys that I have journeyed with over the years.

I have connected with a number of guys that started out strong and appeared fully committed, and yet, within a few months, it was over. They lost interest. There were other life priorities that kept coming up. Questions I asked appeared to poke around in places in their lives that they just didn’t seem to want to talk about. And the journey ended before it really began.

Others I have met with appeared to be confused at the start, and I questioned right away whether or not they would make it. They had questions about life and shared things about what they believed that left me wondering whether they would stick around that long. Their current experiences and beliefs made me wonder about their faith and whether or not it would be a long journey of doubts and questions for the sake of questions without a desire to truly mature in faith. It is during these times that I simply take the stance of listener and allow them to speak what they need to. Inside I am wondering when I need to push them in a new direction and when I simply need to hold back and let the Holy Spirit do what only the Holy Spirit can do. If I interject too soon I might ruin a journey of faith. If I hold back too long without challenging where I believe I need to, I am failing to lead as I believe I am called to.

It is during these moments when you realize how fragile the situation is.

I have come to appreciate the parable of the Sower and Seed in deeper ways over the past few years. It describes so well these situations. You can read it in Luke 8. The seed is being spread and begins to germinate, but at times the sun withers it up, or the worries of this world choke the plant, or at times the devil comes and takes the seed away even before it has a chance to take root. The seed appears to be so fragile.

I wish I had the simple solution to these fragile times. I wish there was a science to understanding what it is all about and the 3 steps to take to make sure that someone stays on track. But I’ve learned that it is not that simple. It is something you simply need to learn over time through trial and error. And believe me, I have had my share of errors in this area. Some guys have been gracious with me as I have learned, others not so.

When you experience this, I simply encourage you to stay with it. Keep praying for discernment. Maintain a heart that is truly wanting the best for each person you are discipling. And if it doesn’t go as planned, don’t beat yourself up. Learn what you can learn, be open to the Holy Spirit speaking to and molding you personally. And get back in the game.

Back in 2006, our church was looking at developing a formal leadership training program to see if we could enhance our capabilities in more effectively guiding others. As part of the pre-work, I was asked to interview a number of leaders (both paid and volunteer) to understand what they did to improve their leadership capabilities and why they believed they took on leadership roles in the first place.

The conversations were engaging and I heard many thought-provoking ideas. Interestingly, as I gathered my information, there was one overriding theme the came through from almost all of the leaders. Each one of them highlighted the fact that early in their lives someone came alongside them and mentored them, both in their faith journey as well as issues of life in general. Typically it was meeting with them on a weekly basis, often times for up to two years, and many of these leaders were still in contact with those mentors. As someone who has been doing this for many years, I was excited by this finding.

When I heard this, I asked a follow up question: since this life-on-life connecting had had such a big impact on their lives, I asked them who they were meeting with so that this could be passed on to the next generation. It only made sense that if this was instrumental in their lives then they would want to do the same for someone else. Every single one of them replied “no one.” Did you hear that? “No one.”

The very thing that had laid the foundation for their lives and set them on a course of leadership, the one thing that everyone had recognized as being instrumental in their own development they were not doing themselves.

I had to ask myself – why did we need to develop any leadership development program? What would its purpose really be? The leaders that we had already knew what they needed to do to develop leaders. Each of them had been given a gift from someone else who had come alongside them to develop them. All they needed to do was to do the same thing with some else and the leadership development circle would continue.

In the local church discipleship and helping people mature in their relationship with God, church leaders continue to look for methods and programs and formats that they believe will help those in their congregations to grow and mature. They change things up on a regular basis trusting that one of these years they will find the magic bullet. And yet, people continue to live stagnant lives when it comes to faith in God.

Can we admit that we already have the methods and means with which to help others grow and develop? That we don’t need the next great DVD series from the next up and coming communicator from the “fastest growing church” in North America. That we don’t need to find another set of curriculum to use. That we don’t need to attend yet another conference on the latest “relevant” religious topic.

Think about your own development and growth? What was it for you? Was it fancy and earth shattering? Did it involve massive gatherings of people in convention centres? This may have played a small part, and yet, what was it really?

Personally, I can agree with the leaders that I interviewed. A guy came alongside me in second year university and met with met on a consistent basis. We memorized scripture, we prayed, we studied. He shared his life with me and helped me figure out mine. We are still friends to this day.

Perhaps there is nothing exciting about this, and yet, when I look back on my life, it set the course for the last 25 years, and that is very exciting.

Let’s admit that we know what we need to do to make disciples. It’s not complicated. So let’s get on with it and do what we know we need to do.